So last weekend I was in Denver for the Associated Writing Programs annual conference. Over the past few years I've made some good friends there and met some amazing authors. Lots of good contacts, and I'm especially glad to see genre fans, who are usually sniffed at by the hoity-toity literary types who dominate this thing, finally speaking up and being proud about it. So that was good, especially the panel I moderated called "Crime, Horror, Sci-Fi, and Fantasy...Seriously", featuring Seth Harwood, Brian Evenson, Stephen Graham Jones, Tod Goldberg, and Mark Haskell Smith. All of them were impressive as hell, and several of them shared my distaste for the overwhelming stink of hipster douchebagism permeating from the conference goers.
You know what I mean. They think they're dressing "alternatively", bringing back styles ironically (like those colored leggings with the feet cut off, or ironic t-shirts, or bedhead), talking way too deeply about pop music even though they mainly listen to college bands that apparently picked up instruments for the first time last week after a spirited philosophy class. And goddamned if they aren't the snobbiest people, those who think a spirited, "Hi, how ya doing?" deserves ridicule. As for the writing part, they tend to love being writers, even though they don't write much. And when they do, it's tortured, emotional, and always in need of revision. No, strike that. That's what they say about it. The rest of us say "self-important, oh so clever, and bad".
The funny thing is that I don't think much has changed about them since I was in grad school ten years ago. An entire generation, and no new ideas? Or am I just tone deaf?
Confession time: I sometimes long to be a hipster douchebag. I still wear Converse sneakers. I had to buy the same goddamned black square plastic eyeglass frames that everyone else is wearing. I still try to keep up with the new bands, but I'm pathetic at it and usually end up downloading Greg Kihn songs and Cinderella's Greatest Hits. I look up all the hip places to hang out in Minneapolis, but I'm usually disappointed in them once I'm there (bad food, not enough food, too crowded, too loud, whatever) and I start looking around for the nearest Taco Bell and Target. My wife and I shop at Whole Foods when we're near one because it seems cooler than our usual grocery store, which is Wal Mart.
The one thing that strikes me out as a hipster douchebag: I watch a lot of TV. And not just TV on DVD. I mean actually broadcast cable with commercials and everything. Oh, the shame, right? (actually, if you're one of those who gets all sniffy and says, "I never watch TV. I don't have cable," then fuck you with a spatula.)
See, it all comes down to the fact that I'm much more comfortable sinking back into the middle class vibe I grew up in rather than trying too hard to like the things literary writers are "supposed" to like. Maybe the literary hipster douchebags aren't even aware of the musk they're radiating (although I find that hard to believe. It takes effort to look and sound like that). Maybe that's just where they are the most comfortable with themselves. It takes all kinds. And I'm really kidding these HD's a bit. I'm glad they're there, and I'm sometimes jealous of them because, let's face it, they stumble across some cool trends, music, and writers occasionally. The Hipster Douchebags' unbridled enthusiasm for life and writing (even that shitty poetry they insist on) is what keeps MFA programs alive and growing, and I think that's a good thing.
But for fuck's sake, comb your hair and admit that instead of "needing to say what is unsayble", you just do it because you want to get laid by nerds.
PS - I don't hate poetry. just shitty poetry. And there's more of that in the world than there is good poetry.
Question of the day: admit it, you are just as influenced by peer pressure in the writing community too, right?
FRIDAY BONUS VIDEO:
I admit that I wish I were writing books that did not have puns in the titles. Because books with puns in the titles are not respected and never get nominated for Edgar awards. This is not to say I don't like writing these books. I do. I just wish I didn't have puns in the titles, because then they might get a little more respect.
Posted by: Karen Olson | April 16, 2010 at 10:34 AM
>>>actually, if you're one of those who gets all sniffy and says, "I never watch TV. I don't have cable," then fuck you with a spatula.
Now, my question is, do you want this spatula back?
Posted by: Mike Cane | April 16, 2010 at 10:35 AM
You keep it, Mike. Make some omelets.
Posted by: Account Deleted | April 16, 2010 at 10:42 AM
THAT is my FAVORITE Frank Black/Black Francis tune! Goddamn. Any video with a purple El Camino in it just plain rules.
As for your point, a phony is a phony. Say no to reindeer games.
Posted by: Kieran | April 16, 2010 at 11:16 AM
Besides the books I read and write, I fight the hipster tide by continuing to play very loud, working-on-my-iroc-in-the-garage-listening-to-ac/dc-style ROCK well into my dotage, just as a prodigious piss into their girl-pants-wearing wind. Take that, hipsters!
Posted by: Chris | April 16, 2010 at 11:44 AM
Not influenced because I am way too old and I figure the surest way to seem ridiculous is to try and seem hip. I don't even know what hip is. None of the things you mentioned even register with me. See what you have to look forward to.
Posted by: Patti Abbott | April 16, 2010 at 12:22 PM
I'm with Patti. It's liberating to reach an age when you genuinely do not give a fuck.
And like Chris, I spend a good part of my life (a great part of my life) playing loud music - in my case it's the blues, music that has been hip and unhip more times than I can count since I first humped a Marine Band harp along with my C-rats and rifle.
I do envy those hipsters their youth, however, as self-consciously hip as it is.
Posted by: David Terrenoire | April 16, 2010 at 12:59 PM
Stop! Stop! You're scaring me!
Actually, as a university prof already 10-15 years older than the students, I already feel what you're describing. So I hope that makes you feel even older.
Posted by: Account Deleted | April 16, 2010 at 12:59 PM
Isn't calling someone a douche or douchebag a hip phrase now?
I don't watch much tv because I have other stuff that needs doing. Like sleeping.
Posted by: Gerard | April 16, 2010 at 02:19 PM
Does writing a graphic novel count as succumbing to hipster/nerd peer pressure? It does? Okay. Then, yeah. But it IS so much damn fun.
Posted by: AlisonGaylin | April 16, 2010 at 02:57 PM
No, Alison, that's just succumbing to geek pressure, but that's okay. Nerds and geeks are cooler hipsters than real hipsters. And the people who don't fit anywhere at all are the best.
Posted by: Account Deleted | April 16, 2010 at 05:33 PM
I don't watch TV -- no cable. Bwahahahaha. Also, I wear eyeglasses more expensive than my car and can talk for hooours about the metaphorical symbolickness of the last scene in No Country For Old Men. And I only rep genre fiction. Can I be on next year's panel?!?
Posted by: Stacia Decker | April 16, 2010 at 07:17 PM
Ah, Stacia. See, you're one of the ones that makes me jealous I'm not that cool.
Posted by: Account Deleted | April 16, 2010 at 10:08 PM
I hate those shitty hipsters douchebags, they knowledge of all is so superficial, but don't worry soon all they will be old and forgotten.
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