Forget about the State of the Union address tonight. Today the Big News is Apple's new iPad.
Yes, Apple has finally launched this much anticipated tablet.
And I could care less.
It seems like it's just a bigger version of the iTouch. The size of a hardcover novel, they're saying. An iTouch on steroids. You can buy all those iPhone apps and use them here; use it as an e-reader; go on the Internet; play music; draw with your finger (huh?); play games. Here's a link to a blog that tells all about it.
I have a little phone. It makes phone calls. I can't even figure out how to text. I don't want something fancy where I'm plugged in all the time. I don't want to be plugged in all the time. I don't want to be that accessible.
Now, what I would like is just a smaller laptop/netbook thing that isn't as big or heavy as my laptop so I can travel with it easily and write. Everything I'm reading about this iPad seems to indicate that you can't word process on it. Then what's the point? Why not just stick with the iPhone or iTouch and a Kindle or Sony reader?
It just doesn't seem worth the $900 to $1,000 it will cost for one of those things.
This is the first Apple product I am not coveting.
Okay, so my new favorite person on the planet is this woman who fell on the Picasso. Read the article -- but just in case you're too lazy to do that, this woman in NYC was taking an art class at the Met, and somehow, she managed to topple onto a Picasso original, creating a six-inch tear in the canvas. She's not liable for the millions in damage she caused, and the museum is repairing the tear as we speak. But... I mean... Can you imagine???
I can. And this is why I love this woman. This is I why I want to take her out for drinks and create a character based on her, and why I can't stop laughing whenever I think about this story. She was taking an art class and fell on a Picasso!! This makes her, without question, an enormous spaz. And I laugh because... uh... so am I.
As longtime readers of this blog may remember, I spilled wine all over a big-deal Dutton editor at my very first Bouchercon, but my spazzitude goes beyond that. When we were living in Mexico, my husband and I were at a party on a mountaintop -- a pretty fancy affair, with a very expensive high-powered telescope set up to view the planets. It was set up so you could see Saturn though it perfectly, and when it came my turn to look through, I knocked into the thing, and it took them a good hour to reposition it. On a less destructive, but no-less spaztastic level, I'm continuously tripping, falling, spilling drinks, knocking things over. And while I've indeed been a Sean Doolittle drink-spillage and college girl-vomit target myself, I can only view it as some kind of karmic payback.
But... and this is a big but... I have never, in my entire life, fallen atop a priceless work of art and put a rip in it the size of a beer can. For this, I say, Thank you woman in the Met. You make me feel like a more graceful human being.
Well, I missed my posting day last week because I'd just gotten back from NYC and because Monday was a holiday and because I slept in and because I was still dreaming about those cold sesame noodles from Sammy's Noodle Shop. In fact, I am still dreaming about them.
And I'm late to the party with this, but I wanted to get in a word about Robert B. Parker.
As most of you know, Parker passed away last week and it was a shock. For a lot of people, it was like losing someone we knew because he was such a huge presence in our lives through his books. Parker is the reason I wanted to write detective novels. When I was struggling with a story that I knew was close to publishable, but knew wasn't there, and I knew I was going to have to start something else knew, I sat down and really thought about the books I liked to read, the books that really engaged me. And most of the ones that came to mind were Parker's Spenser books. My mom introduced me to them and I plowed through them. Couldn't get enough of them. He was easily the biggest influence on my writing.
And he was the first writer who I ever went to see at a signing. I think it was 1995 and I was still living in southern California, finishing up school. He was signing at Book Carnival in Orange and I was living in Irvine, so it was only about fifteen minutes away. It was a Saturday morning and when I got there, there was already a line out the door, people with books stacked in their arms.
I didn't know them at the time, but the store is owned by Ed and Pat Thomas, two of the greatest people in the mystery community. If you haven't been to their store, you are missing out. It was truly a thrill about ten years later when I got to do a signing at their store and all I could think about was seeing Parker in the same spot a decade before.
I stood in line behind a father and son, the boy was about three, I think. We chatted a bit about Parker's books and Hawk, his son squirming the whole time and I remember thinking it probably would've been easier on the guy if he'd left his son at home.
Parker didn't give a talk, he just sat at the back table and signed and chatted amiably with everyone there. He was soft-spoken and funny and and seemed happy to see each person. I just remember thinking as I got closer to the table, wow, I'm gonna meet one of my heroes and you don't always get those opportunities in life.
The enduring image I have, though, of that day isn't my conversation with him. I truthfully don't even remember what I said or what he said because I was a bundle of nerves. What I remember is the dad and the little boy.
When it was their turn at the table, the man set his son down on the edge of the table and then set his books down. Parker immediately reached out to the little boy and began talking to him. The guy said "His name is Spenser. You can probably guess why I brought him." Parker chuckled and nodded. The guy asked if he could take a picture of his son with Parker and Parker said of course. So Parker stood and leaned forward, put his face right next to the boy's and just made this kind of goofy, charming face. Spenser and Parker.
I would love to see that photo today because that is always the mental image that comes up when I think of Parker. Nothing to do with his books, just him making that face with that little boy.
He will be missed.
Jeff
BABES IN JOYLAND
If you are my Facebook friend, you may have noticed that I mentioned Taylor Swift last week and took the usual amount of crap I take for admitting embarrassing things about myself. If you aren't my Facebook friend, here is your opportunity to give me crap right here for liking this song.
Since I was shut out of the Edgars and other career-changing awards for the fourth book in a row, there's not much for me to talk about on the crime fiction front today. I'm working on a new book, still working on a PLOTS WITH GUNS slam-bangin' double issue, and staring at the enormous piles of filthy snow outside my window, knowing that the weekend will bring more on top of it all. And this semester, the day job has plenty of important tasks keeping me busy.
So I'll instead talk about why I prefer cheap red wine to beer.
1) I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to hops. That sucks. The only beer I can really drink without feeling sick is the cheapest possible mass-market swill, and Mexican beer with lime in it. I'm pretty sure the lime ceviches the hell out of the hops or something.
2) Beyond that, I like how individual the whole wine thing is. Seems like lots of people are having a go at making wine, which results in really cool, cheap, drinkable stuff with awesome labels that gives a stiff middle finger to the fancy-pants side of the industry. So, yeah, I mostly decide basedonlabels. Sad, ain't I?
3) It's sweet. As a lifelong Coca-cola drinker, I like sweet.
4) I like buying screwtop wines and then watching my wine-drinking friends recoil in horror when I tell them about how good screwtops are. Three Thieves did the screwtop thing for their jugs. And I'm pretty sure I bought an Argyle Pinot Noir with a screwtop several years back. I just discovered Big House Wine, all of its varieties screwtopped. Also good to stun wine snobs: boxes of wine (or kegs in Red Truck's case), or even better, the Bandit single-serving juice box of wine.
5) Makes food taste fancier. Even double cheeseburgers and, as I had last night, Totino's Pizza.
6) Nothing turns despair at Hogdoggin'being ignored by the bigwigs into forgetful bliss like a couple of glasses of this cheap Chilean blend I like called Primus.
7) Doesn't just feel like booze. More like a hobby.
8) I like saying things like, "I note hints of cherry, blackberries, oak, and menthol cigarettes."
9) Also, "The front of the wine is kinda cough-syrupy, but then it blooms into splendid...um...grapes or something, and finishes like a car with an oil leak" (And that's high praise!)
10) And let's be honest: I'm a lightweight, so the fact that I can drink a couple of glasses and then switch to ice water for the rest of the night without wanting to scrape my tongue free of beer aftertaste is a good, good thing.
You got a particularly favored booze? You a beer snob? A mixed-drink type? Hardcore alkie?
New York was great. I had an awesome time with Jeff, Karen and Alison, although it makes me sad we don't see each other more often. Jim Born and Jeff together, Jesus, they're funny. I laughed hard all weekend. The Annual MWA Board Meeting went well, and I'm excited to be part of such a dynamic group for 2010.
My travel/promo for NO MERCY isn't close to done. I head to Pierre (pronounced pier) tomorrow for a booksigning at Prairie Pages, a store I love. And on Saturday I'm at Barnes & Noble in Sioux Falls at 2:00 and then we drive 70 miles south to Sioux City, IA, for another booksigning at Barnes and Noble at 7:00. Then we climb back in the truck and head back to Rapid City since the booksigning at my "home" Borders store will commence at 2:00 pm on Sunday.
Oh, and through all this I have a freakin' book to finish. What me? Panicked? What gave you that idea?
I've never done an extensive book tour before, so it's thrilling and exhausting. Mostly thrilling for this South Dakota girl.
So if you can't make it to see me live and in person -- the schedule is updated on my website News/Appearances -- guess what? I've been strong-armed into joining the Facebook nation. Seriously. As both Lori Armstrong and Lorelei James. Oh, and I think Dr. J must've caught me when I was smoking crack because I've now got a Twitter account under both names too. No clue how to do any of it, so if I don't respond right away, don't take it personally. I'm still trying to figure out how to tweet with my bone tools and stone tablet.
BTW- the names in the blog post title are little towns in South Dakota that I pass through on I-90. Share some of the weirder town names in your area, FOFO's.
We still have people reading this blog, right? Speak up!
Now that we're in the depths of winter (although the 40-degree weather in New York this past weekend was surprisingly good), I usually hunker down and hope that I don't get SAD. But there's one thing that I am looking forward to: the Olympics.
The 2010 Olympics will be in Vancouver this year, and they start Feb. 12. I will admit that I really love the summer Olympics, with the swimming and diving (when I was 9, I had hoped to compete in the 200-meter freestyle swimming event, but alas, I never made it), but the winter Olympics bring us the skating (figure and speed, love them both) and my personal favorite . . . curling.
Yes, curling. I discovered this odd sport through the Olympics several years ago and now have this fascination with it. Do I know the rules? No. But I can figure it out: a guy slides a big rock down the ice, two other guys sweep the ice in front of it so it moves better, and it has to go into a sort of target area and preferably push another team's rock out of the way. Is it exciting? Not exactly. But it's so odd that I find it intriguing, and I usually end up rooting for one team or another. I did find this website that explains the basics, and this is the site for the US Curling Team.
Stephen Colbert even tried out for the US Curling Team on a recent episode, and because I can't embed it, here's the link.
Louise Penny actually had a woman murdered during a curling match in her book A FATAL GRACE, proving that perhaps curling may someday be mainstream. Or not.
So if you get tired of watching the figure skating or the bobsledding, go here and see when there's a little curling action taking place at the Olympics.
So on Friday, I went into NYC after work and ate Chinese food with the MWA Board -- of which three of the five First Offenders are members. Don't mean to rub it in, Neil, but we had a blast. And Jim Born stood in for you, which is bound to make you feel some way or another but nonetheless... good times. Over Tsing Taos and various meat dishes (Jeff and Lori are scared of vegetables) we thought about blog ideas. One we came up with was just posting a picture of Jim under the heading "Thoughts?" We figured it would get yus a lot of comments. Sadly though, outside of the ones I'm saving for blackmail purposes, I have no pics of Jim Born. But the good news is, I can write THOUGHTS at the top of a page with the best of 'em. So, if you could humor me, I'd LOVE to get your thoughts on just three topics....
1. Edgar nominees!! Yep, they're out today and they look like a damn good batch to me. You?
2. Golden Globes. Was Julia Roberts drunk? If you were going to the Golden Globes, would you get drunk? And also, did you see Mariah's dress? Do you think she took the whole Golden Globes thing a little too literally?
And finally, the one that leaves me speechless....
Wow, nearly forgot to post due to a) ongoing adventures in dental land, and b) a long-ass nap.
But let me say this as we wrap up NO MERCY week, celebrating Lori's brand spanking new book--the other Offenders are all in New York tonight, and I'm jealous, and they can suck it.
Well, it's a temporary thing. I'll be back to my normal lovey-dovey self tomorrow or so. I really ain't mad atcha. Just saying...New York. All right?
I remember meeting Lori for the first time at a wild Mayhem in the Midlands several years back, same place I met Karen O. and Craig Johnson. I remember being very afraid that I'd end up hogtied and left for dead on stage in a conference room, trying to escape before the panel "Old Women Who Like Nice, Clean Books Without Swear Words" began. Thus was the threatening aura of the Western brigade. Since then I've started carrying a pocket knife everywhere, just in case.
*
I saw a little display at the B&N in Sioux Falls, SD, announcing Lori's signing there next Saturday. Wish I could make it down, since it's the closest big town around here for hours, but if not, I hope it's a success. And it's not very far from a Chevy's, so should you want some tacos afterward, Lori, along with a huge margarita, just go past the Wal-Mart behind the bookstore until you see it tucked away on the left in the Menards parking lot. Near a Sonic.
I'm excited about the book, too. Sounds like my sort of read. Onward and upward with your career, Armstrong.
So, what are some things we should have NO MERCY on?
On TV execs who bump good show and hosts in favor of a guy whose jokes are about as funny as tainted meat.
On the bad dentists of the world! (I traded mine in for a better one)
On bad wine.
On the ice on the roof that backs up into the shingles and leaks into your house.
On mercy itself.
On anyone who tries to make me eat healthier. Just enjoy your tofu and shut the fuck up.
Pick up the book. Find Lori and tell her she's awesome. Go hunting for big game (even if that means driving to Arby's for a giant roast beef).
I couldn't resist the play on words, especially during the NO MERCY promo week.
I'm in NYC and it's been great so far. I had more than 10 people show up for my event at Barnes & Noble in The Village last night, and that is a great turnout for a South Dakota girl. I'm headed out the door in a bit to do a video taping for the Simon and Schuster website, so I gotta get my boots polished up before I go.
I've been all over the place this week, lots of interviews and guest blogs, so I'm gonna cheat a bit and provide a link to where I've been:
Thanks to Jeff, Alison, Karen and Neil for pimping me so far this week. When you have one release a year, or in my case, I haven't had a mystery release since Oct. 2008, it is exciting and nerve wracking and I love having the support of my friends and blogmates.
FOFO's, you're pretty damn quiet this week--there seems to be less comments than usual. What's everyone doing?
Here's another look at my cover in all it's embossed splendor!
“I’m still in the swearing club ☺ You are a traitor.”
Thath is what Lori wrote in my copy of NO MERCY when I purchased it yesterday at the New Canaan (CT) library. After I got up at 7 a.m., sleep deprived because I haven’t slept but a few hours for five nights, and driving 40 minutes down to chi-chi Fairfield County where all the rich folks live.
Since I was a plant in the audience of about 20 people who turned out for the noontime event, I did point out that both Julie Collins and Mercy Gunderson like to drink and curse, but which series character did she like best? I think she said something about how she’d “get me for that one.” Eliciting a laugh from the audience. But I got slightly concerned. This is a woman who carries a gun.
I hope the inscription is the worst it’ll get. I’ll find out this weekend when I meet up with her again in New York City. Although I’m sure all I have to do is buy her a cocktail. We know how Lori loves her cocktails.
That said, I’ve never seen Lori do an event outside a panel at a conference, and I have to say she was, as we put it here at FO, AWESOME. She was relaxed and funny and interesting, all the things I know about her, but as anyone who’s ever done these things knows, it’s not so easy to stand up in front of a roomful of strangers and be those things.
Sadly, bull riding was not discussed, although as she told the audience about the “romances” she writes she did mention a ménage, but I’m not sure anyone else picked up on that but me.
I would’ve had a picture here if I didn’t leave the camera on the kitchen table (as I said earlier, sleep deprived). But she wore the most awesome cowboy boots and you’ll just have to take my word for it.
She wasn't sure if she should read, but a few in the audience wanted her to, so she read the prologue, which precipitated the question whether she watches the show CSI (you'll just have to read it to find out why; yes, this is a tease). She doesn't.
If you see Lori’s going to be in your neck of the woods talking about NO MERCY, you totally have to go. Maybe she’ll tell you what the bumper sticker said that changed her life. She wouldn’t tell us. But maybe with a few cocktails…
If you go to author events, do you ask questions or do you just listen? And do you like hearing authors read from their books?
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