Whyliner?

By Alison

I'm typing this from the deepest darkest pit of my rough draft deadline -- that keep-your-head-down-and-don't-look-at-all-the-crap-that-still-lies-ahead-or-else-you-will-go-completely-insane-and-scream-no-way-in-hell-am-I-going-to-make-this-deadline! time.

So... I don't want to talk about anything remotely connected with writing (except for this: SHALLOW GRAVE and DEAD OF THE DAY are out NOW -- so you better buy them!)

With that out of the way, I will bring up a non-writing-related topic that has been fascinating me lately in the same way that nine-car pileups and Britney fascinate me: Guyliner.

Yep, guys are wearing eyeliner now, which is nothing new. Bowie and Lou Reed did it in the 70s, and Elvis probably did it before that. In the 80s, I made a guy cry when I tried to do up his eyes like Simon LeBon for a costume party (we all went as Live Aid. I was Prince -- another guy who wore eyeliner back then.)

The thing that is new, though, is the word. Guyliner. I've read it, probably six or seven times in the past few days. It's part of the lexicon now, which means a lot. The invention of the phrase means society is making a concerted effort to masculinize eyeliner. This terrifies me. I'm afraid eyeliner, like those man purses (sorry. messenger bags.), will soon find its way onto all men rather than just the very young and/or gay ones, and I'll be sitting on the subway, and there will be some  stocky, 50-year-old straight guy wearing a bad suit and one of those blue-tooth things stuck to his ear, with black racoon smudges around his eyes because its hot and he hasn't blended properly.

Really, I've had nightmares more calming than that image.

Guys, please. I know we stole the whole pants thing from you. But that was ages ago. For the love of god, if you are any older or heavier than that guy from Fall Out Boy,  please... put the Maybeline down and back away from it slowly.

Thanks for letting me rant. Now, to make this about writing... two questions (answer one or both): Which recent addition to the lexicon annoys you the most?

Or, which male author would you most like to see in guyliner? 

Comments

[patti abbott]

In moments like these I always choose Barry Eisler. And I am jealous that even men seem to do this chore better than I do,

[Karen Olson]

Mr. KEO has just told me that this is not going to catch on.

I can't stop laughing enough to write anything more coherent.

[Lee Lofland]

Does this mean the MANtyhose idea is out, too?

[Lori G. Armstrong]

You'd get the shit beat out of you in SD if you were an adult guy wearing guyliner. Emo teens, like my daughters male friends seems to be accepted in high school at least.

Mantyhouse? I am laughing too hard.

My least favorite lexicon? Manscaping -

[Jeff Shelby]

Fine. You can have your guyliner back, but we are keeping the mansierre (aka The Bro).

[AlisonGaylin]

Manscaping! And I thought Herstory was bad!

[Mr. LGA]

Seafoam green suit + guyliner = Beetlejuice

[Allison Brennan]

I must be out of it, I hadn't heard. My hairdresser did tell me that many teen guys--straight guys--are coming in for waxing. That gave me pause. I knew guys on the water polo and swim teams who shaved all over, but that was to WIN. Waxing for fashion . . . on guys . . . I don't know. Right up there with guyliner.

My husband is just not going to believe it.

(Off to text daughter #1 to find out what guys on campus have guyliner . . . )

[Jo]

Teenage boys + eyeliner is ok but any male over the age of 18 should avoid any kind of make-up.
My least favourite hip term? metrosexual. Although I like pan-sexual.

[AlisonGaylin]

Jo: A good friend of mine from work was once accused of being "metrosexual." He said, "Actually, I'm just a good, old-fashioned homosexual." Allison: I am so with you on the waxing. I mean, if a guy wants to take care of the backhair, I say hats off to that. But waxing everything -- maybe it's the crime writer in me, but it makes me think he doesn't want to leave DNA evidence. Mr. LGA: hilarious! But I am now officially living in fear of the mantyhose/mansierre combo. Big kudos to Patti for being the one person to answer my male author question! (Though I can't believe the names Shelby or Born have not been tossed around, even once.)

[Jason Starr]

Great post, A, and when we talk about Guyliner, Jared Leto is the current king!! (would loves to see Bruen give it a shot...)

[AlisonGaylin]

Yes, Jason, Leto is one of the few who can make guyliner work (very thin, very young and sorta androgynous all being key elements.) Though I'd wager his girlfriend doesn't love the way the pillowcase looks in the morning... And yes, Ken Bruen was MADE for guyliner! (Or do they call it blokeliner in Ireland?)

[Clair Lamb]

I saw a recent photo of the Cure's Robert Smith on one of the gossip sites. Someone needs to take the makeup bag away from him, and put him to bed for a nice, lonnnng nap...

[Roy]

Please!
Guys have been wearing makeup since caveman days, (they called it war paint) and (Scottish) men have been wearing skirts forever, but shaving the nads is a no-no!!!
Do women really want to see that? Anyway, the 5:00 shadow is killer man! Imagine those spikey things that hang on a chestnut tree, banging around between your legs when you walk home from work!!! And !!HOT WAXING!!! Not a good place for anything HOT, and then PAY to have hair ripped off my !@*&, I Don't Think So!!! Now I see they have pantyhouse for men, with flys. Hey! Anyone know where I can get a manly evening gown that will accent my strong jawline and mustache???