Now Don't Tell Anyone

Dear Writers Who Have Yet To Cross Over The Threshold Into Publishedville And Who Are Letting That Obstacle Turn You Into One Big Mountain Of Bitterness,

I know you think we’re keeping something from you, but we’re not. I’ll say it one more time – we are not keeping any secrets from you.

I know that you want to believe that there is a secret handshake, some secret code that we’ve unlocked, some magic phrase that we discovered that allowed us to unlock the door to the publisher’s offices where they welcomed us in and then showered us with cash. (I’ll pause while the published folks giggle.)

You see, over the last few years, when I speak about publishing, I’m regularly hammered with one question over and over again – how did you get published? (Actually, this is the one question ALL writers get hammered with.) And when I answer it truthfully – when I talk about the time it took to write and rewrite the manuscript, when I explain that I received over 150 rejections before finding an agent who wanted me, when I talk about all the banging my head against a wall for several years – I can see the skepticism in your eyes. You give me a nice pity laugh and say “Well, that’s a great story.” And then you lean in closer and whisper “Yeah, but come on. Isn’t there an easier way for me to get published?” Then when I tell you no, there really isn’t an “easy” way to get published, you get kind of huffy about it and walk away, determined that I am lying and that I am keeping secrets from you.

I’m not sure why you think I’m full of shit when I tell you this. I am full of shit about a lot things, but this happens to be one that I am not. I have no reason to keep anything from you. In fact, I spend most of my time sharing everything I know with folks who want to publish a book. Everything I’ve learned in four years I am happy to share with anyone who would like to hear about it. In fact, the majority of writers I know are happy to help you in any way they can.

But they can’t write the book for you, they can’t rewrite the book for you, they can’t make an agent want to sign you and they can’t make an editor buy your book. There are no passwords, handshakes or phrases that will get you in the door. Get over it.

There are plenty of writers working to get published who get this. They have not let the bitterness overtake them and they continue to work, day after day, at honing their craft and at sending out query letters. They are willing to bang their heads against that wall because they know that’s how it’s done. They are plenty happy to let you keep searching for that secret we’re supposedly keeping from you. Makes it easier for them because they already understand you don’t. There is no substitute for hard work.

But from now on, just to let you know, I’m going to start lying. Because I can’t stand the doubting looks when I tell you “There is no secret.” I’m tired of them. When you come up to me at a conference or a signing or an event and ask for the easy way, I’m going to give you a big fat lie, because I know that’s what you’re looking for and it’ll make you happy.

“Yeah, sure, I can tell you what you need to know,” I’m going to say. Then I’ll lean in closer. “Here’s the password.” I’ll look around to make sure no one else is listening, like you’ve finally found the one person who will share the secret with you that you’ve so desperately been searching for (while you should’ve been writing your book) and then I’ll whisper it to you.

“The password is DavinciPotterOprah. Put that on all your manuscripts and query letters. Right at the top. That’ll get you in.”

You’ll nod, happy that you’ve finally broken down one of us uppity authors, knowing you were right all along and that we were just a bunch of selfish bastards who were trying to keep publishing all to ourselves.

And we’ll both walk away happy.

All the best,
Jeff

(Note: I know, I know. I promised you something three weeks ago that has yet to appear. This is what happens when you think you're smarter than you actually are. Fear not, though. I've called in the professionals and I think it'll be ready for next week. So keep twittling your thumbs until then.)

Comments

[Felicia Donovan]

Jeff, great post. When asked, I always say that getting published is as much about tenacity as it is about talent.

I'll borrow from my Dad, the Great Fisherman for the following analogy: A fishfinder only indicates the presence of fish, not that they'll bite. Writers and fishermen have to believe firmly that something will take the bait even when all they feel are nibbles and tugs. Cast the line as best you can and hopefully, you'll land a big one!

Secret Code: THE BLACK WIDOW AGENCY

Felicia Donovan
Author, THE BLACK WIDOW AGENCY Series
www.feliciadonovan.com

[Neil Nyren]

Damnit, Jeff, now you've blabbed the code, and everybody knows! Thanks a lot. We thought we could trust you.

[patti abbott]

Jeff-After attending the terminally dispiriting agent conference this week, this is whiff of hope. Thanks.

[Karen Olson]

Damn, I thought it was OprahDaVinciPotter. That must be why it took me so long to get published.

[AlisonGaylin]

You forgot the warning, Jeff! If you say DavinciPotterOprah three times in the mirror, James Frey will appear and steal your book deal.

[David Terrenoire]

I don't get the question "How did you get published."

I get the question, "Why did you get published?"

[toni mcgee causey]

Damnit, Jeff, you just cost me a fortune. I was selling that code on eBay.

[Lorelei James]

Way to go Shelby, you're making friends and influencing people all over.

[Clea Simon]

Great post. Now you'll have to follow it up with The Truth About How Your Life Changes and Becomes Fabulous Once You Are Published.

[J. Carson Black]

I knew I was called to this profession when I saw the flyer tacked to the telephone pole: MAKE $$$ WORKING FROM THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME!

Or was that LOSE 40 POUNDS IN 20 MINUTES?

It's the best-kept secret in the universe: The minute you get that golden book deal, it's all clear sailing! Think about it, just knock out or crank our or churn out a book that will have mass appeal (DaviniciOprahPotterPatterson), and wait for the money to come pouring in, along with the adulation!

[allison brennan]

Yeah, I get that question a lot. When I tell them I sold my fifth manuscript (especially when they're working on their first) they ask, "What about the first four?" And I have to say, "They're collecting dust bunnies." No one likes that you might have to write hundreds of thousands of words and not get published . . .