Road Kill

Lori here~

This is the time of year known as "the rut" when bucks and bulls fight over the right to mate (more than 100 times a day) with their herd of females. It's not uncommon, at least in my neighborhood, which is overflowing with deer (and I live in town), to have a standoff with the bucks. They'll square off with me in the yard and dare me to infringe on their space (oh how I wish it was legal to discharge a firearm inside the city limits). These magnificent animals also stand in the middle of the damn road staring down a car.

Due to urban sprawl, or lack of natural predators (however, mountain lions have made a huge resurgence in our area in recent years), or the tasty grass which urbanites cultivate by fertilizing and watering to perfection -- a tempting feast for woodland creatures -- it's no surprise we have a deer problem. I take it in stride and pay extra close attention at night to the creatures that dart across the road. On the interstate, it's much more dangerous. The animals come up out of the ditch at breakneck speeds and you hit one before you know what hit you.

A couple years back a deer hit my car on one of the busiest roads in Rapid City. Wham! It ran into my Ford Explorer, shattering the windshield, crumpling the hood, ripping off the side mirror and scaring the living crap out of me. I had my youngest in the passenger seat beside me, so talk about a rush of adrenaline. We were fine. No one was hurt.

Because dealing with runaway wildlife is part of the driving experience in the wild west, Mr. LGA has been drilling into our teen daughters, since the moment they got behind the wheel, the importance of overcoming their natural reaction to swerve when faced with an animal in the road. And the fact our oldest daughter heeded Daddy's advice saved her life Sunday night.

Lauren was home this weekend from college. She always calls us outside of Lusk, WY because it's the halfway point between Rapid City and Laramie and she loses cell service for about 40 miles. Long story short. Twenty minutes later the phone rang again, and the poor girl was hysterical because she'd hit a deer. Luckily, she wasn't hurt at all. Luckily, a woman came upon the accident right after it happened -- in and of itself a miracle, as I've traveled that road dozens of times and not come upon a single car -- and this Samaritan called the sheriff and a tow truck since the car was undriveable.

Here's the kicker: Lauren didn't hit a deer. She hit a fucking ELK. An elk. If you've never seen an elk, let me tell you, they embody the phrase "ten foot tall and bulletproof." Usually when a car hits an elk, because they're so tall, it shears the legs off and the 800 pound body drops right through the windshield.

So to say we're thankful that just her car was damaged is an understatement. A major understatement.

The road kill count in the Armstrong house is this: one deer, one elk, one racoon, one racoon family, a couple of pheasants, a mysterious bird of some sort, a couple of squirrels, gophers, a snake and many close calls with turkeys.

Anyone else wanna share?

Comments

[Jeff Shelby]

Do you guys have like a whiteboard where you keep a running tally?

I've hit a snake and that is it.

[Karen Olson]

I have never hit a critter.

But we did watch a big hawk swoop down into our back yard and grab a baby wild turkey that was just walking across the lawn with his mom and four siblings. I have never seen a wild turkey fly before, but that mother turkey went after that hawk and they disappeared into the trees. Never seen anything like it.

[Bryon Quertermous]

There's a couple of neighbor kids I wouldn't mind hitting with my car, but I've never acted on it. And my undercarriage has remained animal free as well. I tend to hit curbs, and medians, and parking booths, not elk. Jesus.

[Patty]

Let's see, less than a year after I got my driver's license I hit a family of "something", it was dark, I was driving I29 between Brookings and Sioux City and came up over the top of a hill, as I dipped down, boom. My Dad was sleeping in the back seat - brought him right up, let me tell you.

Then I hit an armadillo in Arkansas. So far no Deer and absolutely no Elk!

Glad your daughter is okay, that is scary.

[Mary Stella]

I hit a squirrel once and cried. My friends assured me that it was only a glancing blow and that they turned around and saw the little guy scamper off into the shrubs of the road. I think it they were just trying to make me feel better and didn't want to tell me that I'd mortally wounded the animal and it crawled off to die.

Down here in the Keys we need to dodge iguanas, Gambian pouch rats, and raccoons but we really try to avoid land crabs crossing the highway. Those suckers are mean and could puncture a tire if you run them over.

Lori, I'm glad that Lauren's okay!

[Kieran]

Somehow a road runner somewhere out west got clipped by my bumper and ended up stuck the the drive train of my mountain bike on car's my roof rack. drove for hours without noticing until i took a gas break. took some picking. and no, wile e. coyote wasn't around to give me a high five.

[J. Carson Black]

I was stopped at a light and a critter hit me.

It was terrible - wild hair, beard, paper towels, Fantastic--

Later I realized he was just trying to clean my windshield.

[J.D. Rhoades]

Never hit anything bigger than a squirrel, but it's been a near thing a couple of times. There's a small her lving in the woods near my house, and it's not at all uncommon to turn down my little loop road and see them standing there in the street. Can't wait till the puppy encounters them.

Glad Lauren's okay.

Have you tried deer whistles on the car? How well do they work?

[David Terrenoire]

I've hit two deer and had one hit me.

In Panama I ran over quite a few land crabs. It's impossible to miss them when they dance across the road in the dark, and yes they will puncture your tires. The fuckers.

I once thought I'd hit a seagull when it exploded across my windshield. It turned out to be a cherry pie.

I didn't even know they could fly.

[victor gischler]

I know for a fact that Neil hit a panda bear with his truck.

[AlisonGaylin]

I'm so glad Lauren is okay, Lori! I've never hit a deer, but a friend of mine did, totaled his car and, since there were no Samaritans around, walked a few miles to get home in the middle of the night. We have a huge deer problem where I am, and I can completely sympathize with your desire to use heavy artillery. You have enough of those magnificent beasts around, they get to be like rats and you just want 'em out. By any means necessary.

[Wilfred Bereswill]

I got something that looked to be half bird/half big-ass bug tangled in the grill a while back.

I ran over a mole rather maliciously after wounding him with my .22. I'd call that one pre-meditated. I may have backed back over him too.

I bumped into one of those cart collectors at the supermarket.

[Mary Stella]

Finally, someone who can appreciate my land crab trepidation.

I dueled with one in my backyard once to keep it from severing my dog's paw. Sadly, the only weapon I had that would keep me out of harm's way (lest it slash an artery) was the pooper scooper. Dignified? No. Victorious? Eventually.

The whole thing was so ridiculous that I worked it into a book.

[David Terrenoire]

Mary,

The land crabs, big as dinner plates, used to come out at certain times of the year by the millions. They covered the roads. I knew one MP who was so freaked out that he stood on a stool in his guard shack and shot them with his .45.